Perception of Time

something has been bothering me alot lately. time. i dont seem to be able to drink in everything at a leisurely pace. i feel like the worlds moving too fast–without me. its been like this for a while now. a week or so. or a month. i dont know. i remember very little, and my days are time stamped by horrible events that i do now want to attend. for example, ive been living between 2 points: PAS (april 19) and ABRSM (may 20). i am living for abrsm. and i remember things by saying, oh that was a week after pas. oh that was 2 weeks before pas. and its effective.

but its sad. i have no goal in life anymore. david used to be my goal, but ive been having super mixed feelings lately. actually, i dont think i can feel much anymore. i doubt im falling into depression (allie brosh has a few pieces about them. she is finally back!!!) because i still have a few bright spots everyday. im really confused and thats not the point.

what im trying to say, is that everyday is a blur. nothing is special anymore. i feel lost and valueless. my life is a dump. its been another week, huh? ive been mentally working of this excerpt for a half week then. sigh. bye bye ūüôā


this is the song i listened to happily at 2 in the morning while chattering with david. “if i could go back to the past, id whisper in your ear… cause darling i wish you were here”
i havent heard this song in at least a year. i am torn. just, torn.

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
Cause I’ll doze off safe and soundly
But I’ll miss your arms around me
I’d send a postcard to you, dear
Cause I wish you were here

I’ll watch the night turn light blue
But it’s not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn’t so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I’ll find repose in new ways
Though I haven’t slept in two days
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I’ll sit on the front porch all night
Waist deep in thought because when
I think of you I don’t feel so alone

I don’t feel so alone
I don’t feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I’ll think of you tonight
(Tonight, tonight, tonight…)

I’ll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I’ll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I’ll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won’t forget you
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past
I’d whisper in your ear:
“Oh darling I wish you were here”

and…. ill still be crying







um. yeah the top one is upside down, but bear with me. turn your laptop around or something. that was the card i gave honeybunches along with two school fundraising card things. and a pink plush bear. he immediately threw all four (including the bear) into the trash can, according to my sources. he didnt even read the cards. the teacher teased him and my friend threw GLaDOS and bear at him. and i will now continue to cry. 

supid girlscout cookie

mild rage [m] is a wonderful place. its a land of authors and artisan, all out there to let the world be aware of their talent. and i respect those that have the ambition. those that dont, fuck you. right now you say, “calm your shit down girl…. let the peace flow through…” never jump to conclusions. what im saying, or rather what i was about to say before you interrupted your reading with your own thoughts, is that the idiots who create a blog just for the fucking sake of seeing yourself have a blog are the most stupid people on earth. i cant stand it. all those wonderful names…. WASTED. lost to cyberspace because someone enjoyed the process of typing it in the search bar. once. and then wiping it from their knowledge. my friends and i were recently looking for a spiffy url name thing for this nice multi-collaboration blog we wanted about existence and science. here are some of the examples i found that fit my hatred zone:

  • amireal
  • whatisreal
  • arewereal
  • definereal
  • arewereal
  • doiexist
  • idontwanttoliveonthisplanetanymore

among so many others. i finally found¬†(visit us when we’re set up!!!) and we plan on using it. ugh.¬†

if any wordpress special people see this by any luck chance, might you guys wipe out a few, if not all, of those blogs that have never been used? good wordpress blog page names are becoming difficult to make, because so many idiots decided to waste their time when they could be watching spongebob or jersey shore or whatever fucking morons do in their spare time. and then they could eat a container full of mayo. 

fuck. you.

Oh, is that so…

Heartbreak is only in your head.

  • YOUR ANSWER:¬†True

The pain from heartbreak isn’t imaginary. It is stressful and can cause a mix of emotional¬†and¬†physical pain.

According to one study, a bad breakup can trigger the same parts of your brain as strong physical pain — like getting burnt by a hot drink.¬†

Stress can make your chest feel tight, heart race, and stomach hurt. It can also beat up your body, making you more likely to get sick. So when you‚Äôre nursing a broken heart, take care of yourself — get plenty of sleep, eat healthy, and exercise.

hmm. thats a new one.