Three Hundred Sixty Four

Our love was once a fire, sending up flares whenever we shared moments. When you left me, the fire was confused. It blazed when we were together, wept and died to near nothing when I was alone. Over time, like all fires, it began to die. When it took a dive, I would take wood and toss it into the measly fire and force it to be reborn. Yet this was no phoenix. The time we spent together lessened and lessened, finally resulting to a net zero. Oh how I cried. My tears dampen not the remaining fire, but they created a pool of desparateness and I spent every living moment chopping trees and keeping us alive. The world around me became a wasteland, void of trees and all things flammable. All of it had been poured into keeping the love alive. All I had left were smoldering ashes and a small handful of tinder. So in the tinder went. When the ashes’ occasional flicker dimmed, I would place some tinder around the specks and cup my hands around it. I blew, lovingly, gently, hopefully, and with each breath more of myself was poured into the void our love had become. I became empty. And the fire was dying. I began to question myself, every day, all day, confused by the lack of emotion. Frustrated, I dropped the rest of the tinder in and blew. And with that breath I blew the fire out.
I tried so hard to preserve us. Now we are nothing. I am coming back, though. The smoke that billows from our love fills me. It is dark emotion, dark like the black smoke; sick emotion, like the depression that swept me away. The emotion is filled with pain and fear and regret. But I can feel again. Maybe one day there will be a new forest and maybe this one won’t die, but flourish.


my (un)happy little anniversary

+david h it’s been a year since i’ve been inside your house! why won’t you come play with me?
part one
3:18 PM 
me: HI
davy: O
me: u home?
davy: Yup
3:19 PM 
me: me come?
davy: Kk
3:20 PM 
me: unil when
3:21 PM 
3:25 PM 
davy: 4:30
me: crap
1 hr
/me stalls
prob around 2
davy: K
me: u want ansh’s chat?
3:26 PM 
davy: Kk
me: email r can i just past in chat
davy: Idc
3:27 PM 
me: 9:08 PM 
me: O hey
9:11 PM 
Ansh: hi
9:12 PM 
me: Hows summer

Ansh: good

me: Bad

Ansh: o


me: I miss david

Ansh: ok….
9:13 PM 

he like right next to your house

9:14 PM 
me: Yes….

Ansh: then go to his house

or something…

me: I do

Hez not always home

And parents

Ansh: o
9:15 PM 
whenever i go 2 sohum’s house, we always spy on u guys

from the window

me: 0_o

Not cool
9:16 PM 
Ansh: uhhhuuu

me: Lol

Do u expect us to run out and make out on his lawn?

Ansh: umm


9:17 PM 
me: Not


Ansh: u do know that u guys got caught on camera about to ❤ at school

me: About to wat?
9:18 PM 
Ansh: kiss

me: No….

Ansh: yes

me: When….

Ansh: on the last day
9:19 PM 
everyone talks about it


me: No….



Ansh: yes

me: Remember

Ansh: remember wut?
9:20 PM 
me: He




Ansh: o

there are rumors that he likes u

me: Used to 🙂

Ansh: wut happened?
9:21 PM 
me: He became unbored

Ansh: ??

me: When he has nothing to do he chooses to like me


Ansh: who says?


Ansh: o wow
9:22 PM 
thats mean



Ansh: true…

me: 😛

Ansh: g2g bye

me: I know surya took pictures of us hugging

Ansh: yea

me: But not kissing
9:23 PM 
Ansh: g2g bibi

c ya at hopkins
9:24 PM 
me: Kk






9:25 PM 
Ansh: ok


Ansh: i dont have any pics of u

me: O…k?
9:26 PM 
Ansh: i just saw them on someone else’s phone

me: Whos this someone

Ansh: aidan

and surya




Ansh: i dun know
9:27 PM 
i dont stalk them





9:28 PM 
Ansh: y should i
9:29 PM 
me: Please

Ansh: o

i don’t even have their email address
9:30 PM 
me: Ugh

Ansh: yes

me: Call the,


Call the,


Ur bffs yes?

/me is dying here

Ansh: ok

me: Hm

Im going to taiwan on the second

Ansh: just ask like ur friends

me: And i wont c david anymoar
9:31 PM 
Ansh: y

me: So :C





Good night

Thx ansh 🙂

Ansh: bi
9:32 PM 
ur parents dont want u 2 c him
3:28 PM 
9:34 PM 
Ansh: bi
3:29 PM 
davy: O
me: u read fast
davy: O
3:30 PM 
me: did u
davy: Yup
3:31 PM 
me: ok
14 minutes
3:46 PM 
davy: U see still alive
me: yep
fat kid
3:48 PM 
davy: O
3:49 PM 
It’s a woman
From portal
me: on screen
davy: O
3:50 PM 
me: its good
davy: Ikr
me: _
must memorize
3:51 PM 
davy: O
Devesh memorized it…
me: POO
davy: O
U see the portal 2 song

part two
6:00 PM 
me: hi….
that was so awkward
my mom locked the door
and thought i was kidnapped
6:02 PM 
davy: O
Wat did u say
me: i climbed a tree
a few hundred times
davy: O
me: and read in the bathroom
she bought ir
davy: O
6:03 PM 
me: IKR
but she even went to ur house
im like HOLY F
6:04 PM 
davy: O
me: and drove around the neighborhood
she locked the door
so i ripped the screen on my window
and pulled of the screen

I really love and feel it. At least the places i can hear/understand legitly.
High dive into frozen waves
where the past comes back to life
Fight fear for the selfish pain
And it’s worth it every time
Hold still right before we crash
Cause we both know how this ends
our clock ticks till it breaks your glass
And I drown in you again

Cause you are the piece of me
I wish I didn’t need
Chasing relentlessly
Still fight and I don’t know why

If our love is tragedy why are you my remedy
If our love’s insanity why are you my clarity

walk on through a red parade
And refuse to make amends
It cuts deep through our ground
And makes us forget all common sense
Don’t speak as I try to leave
Cause we both know what we’ll choose
If you pull, then I’ll push too deep
And I’ll fall right back to you

Cause you are the piece of me
I wish I didn’t need
Chasing relentlessly
Still fight and I don’t know why

If our love is tragedy why are you my remedy
If our love’s insanity why are you my clarity

…Why are you my remedy
…Why are you my remedy

If our love is tragedy why are you my remedy
If our love’s insanity why are you my clarity

Turkish Bakalavidk


ok, before you all start hating, these things are the most delishous pastries i have ever come across in my whole entire life. so fucking good. here is a recipe. and i swear, if i ever get my hands on a jumbo box of these, you will see me go hyper like i have never touched methamphetamine in my life. which is true stop worrying. you know what, i think i love it more than shrimp dumplings. and possibly honeybunches. possibly.  


im out of titles

remind me to nevar evar take a break from blogging. the stats are revolting T_T

so, uh, ive been busy lately (read: procrastinating) and havent been capable of typing. (ITS A LIE) *rolls around in new post* my url, again, is please remember that thank you 🙂

i thought i had a lot to say. i have never been so wrong. will have a horrible english test tomorrow so im kinda hyperventilating. im not sure if im masking it well or not, but ive been super tired. no amounts of vanilla chai can wake me up. then again, chai is green tea, which has minimal amounts of caffeine. *dies*  

oh yeah this picture



it is so freaking adorable. its from star wars (duh) when jabba the hut threw luke into the pit through his trap door, he escaped the monster after smashing the door on it. it’s owner was shot crying over the beast. i guess this is their story. adorables. ❤

unlike my life. hope i made you rotfl, allama ❤

the gel pen of chaos….. shall live on

i cant do this anymore. i need somewhere to share my fantasies. i really miss blogging. all day long, i would make mental lists about all the things that would get me 30+ views. and then i remembered the moron that spoiled my art. speaking of that moron….

i dont forgive you. i wont forget you either. <THIS IS ONE BLOGGABLE TOPIC. THE EXTENT OF FORGIVENESS> i dont understand you either. why the hell would you show your mater the poisonous thoughts of a 13 year old lunatic? and why didnt you consider that fact that your parents know mine? youre like that retarded jessica girl who cheated in science. you. have. no. idea. what. trouble. you. get yourself. and. others. into. do you know what i did after i posted my last post? i cried. i cried a goddamn river. do you know why? no, of course not. moron. i cried because nothing ever goes smoothly for me. nothing. i cant even type shit on the internet without being reported. so i think i hate you. i think i hate you very much.

thank you, allama, for loving my blog. you too, mrs. leung, even though youve been too anime obsessed lately. without my precious gpoc, my internet life was so fucking boring. i would 9gag for 20ish minutes, aywas for 20ish minutes, beastkeeper for 10ish minutes, and then id be out of entertainment. i have to go read chuck norris facts now. i promise i will make up for my absence. i will humor the shit out of you. or at least i will humor the shit out of you by trying desperately hard to humor the shit out of you.

welcome back, emma


lol wrong chat

here it is:

11:58 PM davy: what does my status icon show up as
11:59 PM me: There are 3 David’s on
 The android thing
davy: is it a red cam
me: Yup
davy: or a circle
me: Red cam
12:00 AM davy: i screwed my drivers
 fixed them
me: Um
 Its tomorrow
davy: just wanted to see if they work’
me: Hugs
 Good luck
12:01 AM davy: they work now…
12:02 AM the red cam Iis suposed to be there
 in the morning it wasnt
me: O
 It is morning
davy: o
12:03 AM me: Caffinnee.
davy: fail
me: Ikr
12:03 AM me: Lol
12:04 AM davy: ikr
me: Cold
12:05 AM Emma presses her had to ur face FREEZE
12:06 AM davy: ikr
me: Shivering
davy: its so frickin hot here
12:07 AM me: It’s so damming cold here
davy: …
me: Ikr
12:08 AM davy: my mom turned up the heaters to max or something
 stay in ur bed
 u have caffeine….
me: Can’t on ipad
12:09 AM davy: im on my half tablet/ half netbook
 its two times bigger
me: We never have heater it turns on at 12 degrees and stops at 14
 No diff.
davy: lol
me: U in bed?
12:10 AM So cold
davy: yup
12:11 AM put ur ipad ngon ur pillow or somethi
me: U know I would fall asleep, caffeine or not
 The cold is keeping me up
davy: o
12:13 AM me: But if I’m cold and in bed I’d still stay awake
 Idk even Jordan’s asleep and she’s nokkturnal
12:15 AM davy: lol
12:16 AM me: Love u
12:17 AM davy: kk
me: Hugs
12:18 AM Idk
12:20 AM davy: lol
me: My instincts tell me to sleep
12:21 AM davy: o
12:22 AM me: But I like u
 So wth
davy: o
12:23 AM me: My contacts r killing me
davy: hormones>instincts
 press on them…
12:24 AM me: Wutt
 Press wat
davy: ur contacts
 it helps
12:25 AM me: Owie
12:26 AM I just blink and force out tears
davy: o
12:27 AM me: It looks like in crying….
12:28 AM Do boys cry?
davy: yup
12:29 AM me: O
 Do u cry?
davy: no
me: I cry like once a day
12:30 AM davy: y
me: I have a terrible life
12:31 AM davy: yup
me: Ok…..
12:32 AM I can control my crying
davy: o
me: I think of something I want, wonder why I don’t have it and start crying
12:33 AM davy: o
12:34 AM me: Kinda crying now
 Dont ask
davy: kk
12:35 AM me: Thxx
12:36 AM I’ll sleep at 1
12:37 AM davy: kk
me: U too?
 Or u stay till 3
12:38 AM davy: kk
 i can stay till 7
12:39 AM me: Wow
 I get bored
davy: o
 i get bored of sleeping
12:40 AM me: K
davy: back
 went to restroom
12:41 AM me: That was fast
davy: ikr
12:42 AM me: Did u wash ur hands? 😛
davy: yup
12:43 AM me: Good
 Smiley face
davy: lol
12:44 AM me: Snuggles
12:45 AM For warmth
davy: o
me: I would be all lick but that’s weird…..
12:46 AM davy: lol
me: Who cares
 Lick 🙂
davy: lol
12:47 AM me: Fa
 Lls asleep
davy: o
12:48 AM me: At this point I would be all kiss but instead BITE
12:50 AM davy: lol
12:51 AM me: I bite a bunch of ppl
davy: o
me: Avantike Donna Tiffany emily Yvette Janet delvin
davy: who
me: Bam
davy: o
12:52 AM me: Lol
davy: ikr
me: I have to bite u sometime
12:53 AM davy: lol
12:54 AM me: It hurts
davy: i bite my finger really really really x10000 when im bored…
12:55 AM me: I rip skin off my fingers and lick off the blood
davy: ikr
me: I like the taste of blood
davy: eat metal
 its tastes the same
12:56 AM if is not salty enough put salt
me: Really?
davy: yup
me: Not the same
davy: similar
12:57 AM ive only tasted pure iron before…
12:58 AM me: Ok
davy: lol
12:59 AM me: Ikr
davy: blood is pro
me: Bad girl Emma
 Go to sleep
davy: lol
me: But ur cold
 I don’t care
1:00 AM Shut up this is weird
 I am weird
 U are tired, emma
 Shut up, angel emma
davy: lol
me: NO
 I hate you
1:01 AM That was embarrassing
davy: lost track of what u said
me: Me too
 Should I sleep?
1:02 AM davy: idk
 toss a coin…..
me: Too loud
davy: then no
me: Ok
 But I’m cold
 Shut up
1:03 AM Emma please, sleepy time
davy: ull get usd to staying up
me: No. This is more fun
 Emma, u have homework tomorrow
 But Davy does that all the time
 Davy is more mature, now go to sleep
 NO clutches davy
1:04 AM EMMA
 I win
davy: lol
me: Yay
davy: ?
1:05 AM me: I’m still arguingkinda
davy: lol
1:06 AM willpower is usually greater than instinct cuz u can ignore instinct
me: Idk which is which
 I guess willpower won
davy: ikr
1:07 AM psychology
 found that on h internet somewhere
me: Lol
 I need a therapist
1:08 AM davy: lol
me: That Chinese song is stuck in my head
davy: fail
 if i try to remember one i forget he tune
1:09 AM the ony song i kind know is eminem not afraid
me: Lol
 Its like beyond wrong
davy: r
 i left it on repeat and was too lazy to turn it off
me: He doesn’t use the bad words right
1:10 AM Lol
 Same for tong hua
davy: he does…
me: Hmph
davy: i had headfones
me: Ok
davy: its all wierd
1:11 AM me: Lol u with headphones lol
 i was testing the sounds on my game
me: Sure
1:12 AM So f the world
me: How do u do that
davy: ?
1:13 AM f the world feed it beans its gassed up
 u think its stopping me
me: Lol
davy: im gonna be what i set out to be
 without doubt undoubtedly
me: Do u know lmfao sexy and I know it?
davy: no
me: Do not watch
davy: ikr
1:14 AM
me: Its stuck in my head
davy: listen to it
me: Everybody stops and starin at me I got passion in my pants and Im not afraid to showit show it show it… I’m sexy and I know it
1:15 AM Can’t listen
 Middle of night
1:16 AM davy: listen to it later
me: Kk
 Im sexy and I know it
1:17 AM Ur recalling listening?
davy: no
me: I ❤ grenade Bruno mars
davy: crazy song
1:18 AM me: Easy come easy go tats just how u live oh take take take it all but u nvr give
 Shoulda known u was trouble from the first kiss had ur eyes wide open. Y were they open?
 I gave u all I had
 But u threw it in the trash
 U threw it in the trash u did
davy: fail
1:19 AM me: Me and Julia were chatting once I showed her grenade and she said she could imagine u singing it
1:20 AM davy: …
1:21 AM if u heard me singing it it would be coming out of a computer
 i cant sign
me: Then
davy: sing
me: It wouldnt
 B u singing
davy: text to speec
 got one that was similar to my voice
1:22 AM me: But wat u don’t understand is I’d catch a grenade for you, throw my hand on a blade for you.. Jump in front of a train for you, but u wouldn’t do the same
 Go through all this pain
 Take a bullet dt
 Straight thru my brain
1:23 AM Mad woman bad woman that’s just wat u r
davy: that makes it sound like eminem
me: Ikr
 Didnt mem. The rest
 But I like the song
1:24 AM davy: o
 i think i remember the first verse in not afraid
me: It will rain is ok
davy: its so frickin long
1:25 AM me: If unlose u baby, therell be no sunshine if I lose u baby…. It will rain ain
davy: …..
me: It will rain
 Stupidly slow
1:26 AM Nicky Minaj super bass?
 I got ur heart beat carried away…..
1:27 AM davy: I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid To take a stand, to take a stand (Yeah, it’s been a ride) Everybody, everybody (I guess I had to) Come take my hand, come take my hand (Go to that place to get to this one)

We’ll walk this world together through the storm (Now some of you) Whatever weather, cold or warm (Might still be in that place) Just lettin’ you know that you’re not alone (If you’re tryin’ to get out) Holla if you feel like you’ve been down the same road (Just follow me, I’ll get you there)

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay ’em But you won’t take the sting out these words before I say ’em ‘Cause ain’t no way I’ma let you stop me from causing mayhem When I say I’ma do something, I do it, I don’t give a damn what you think

I’m doin’ this for me, so fuck the world Feed it beans, it’s gassed up if it thinks it’s stopping me I’ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt, undoubtably And all those who look down on me, I’m tearing down your balcony

No if, ands, or buts, don’t try to ask him why or how can he From “Infinite” down to that last “Relapse” album He’s still shittin’ whether he’s on salary, paid hourly Until he bows out or he shits his bowels out of him

Whichever comes first, for better or worse He’s married to the game, like a fuck-you for Christmas His gift is a curse, forget the earth, he’s got The urge to pull his dick from the dirt and fuck the whole universe

I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid To take a stand, to take a stand Everybody, everybody Come take my hand, come take my hand

We’ll walk this route together through the storm Whatever weather, cold or warm Just lettin’ you know that you’re not alone Holla if you feel like you’ve been down the same road

Okay, quit playin’ with the scissors and shit and cut the crap I shouldn’t have to rhyme these words in a rhythm for you to know it’s a rap You said you was the king, you lied through your teeth For that fuck your fillings, instead of getting crowned you’re getting capped
 its 3 times longer
1:28 AM me: The last one…
davy: fourth to last one…
 its really catchy 🙂
1:29 AM me: This is for the boys with the booming system top down ac with the coolin system
davy: ?
me: Eminem beat up his wife
 He has kids
davy: ikr
1:30 AM me: Scary
 Marshall bruise mathers III
1:31 AM davy: ikr
me: Creepy guy
davy: ikr
1:32 AM me: Isnt he drunk half of the time
davy: he dropped out of high school
me: Homophobic
1:33 AM Drug issues
davy: ikr
1:34 AM
me: He adopted kids
davy: the most uncusswordinfected eminem song
1:35 AM me: Later
 Still reading the wiki
 His own mom sued him
1:36 AM davy: fail
me: His wife attempted suicide
davy: weve been talking about songs for 25 mins……
1:37 AM me: U know eminem’s kill you?
 Flaherty claims to have been “disgusted” when reading transcriptions of Eminem’s song “Kill You”, which includes lines like “Slut, you think I won’t choke no whore/till the vocal cords don’t work in her throat no more
1:38 AM Creepy
davy: ikr
me: On December 8, 2003, the United States Secret Service admitted it was “looking into” allegations that Eminem had threatened the President of the United States, George W. Bush,[189] after the song “We as Americans”, as an unreleased bootleg, circulated with the lyrics “Fuck money, I don’t rap for dead presidents. I’d rather see the president dead, it’s never been said but I set precedents.”
1:39 AM Weird guy
 Eminem has spoken openly about his addiction to prescription drugs, including Vicodin, Ambien, Valium and Methadone.[194] His group-mate Proof from D12 stated that Mathers “sobered up” in 2002 from drug and alcohol dependence.[195] However, he did turn to zolpidem (Ambien) sleeping pills for relief from sleeping troubles. This caused Mathers to cancel the European leg of the Anger Management Tour in August 2005 and eventually go into rehab for treatment for a “dependency on sleep medication”.
1:40 AM Davy?
1:41 AM davy: …
me: Lol
 I’m sleeping at 2
 I must
davy: kk
1:42 AM me: Good Emma is winning
davy: fail
me: Im gonna have nightmares of eminem
davy: even more fail
me: Poll ikr
davy: wat
me: Idk
1:44 AM Out of things to do
 And I will not eat cand, even tho I want to
davy: fail
me: Lol
1:45 AM U have a Pokemon on ur door 😀
davy: too lazy to take it off
me: Lol
 I think
davy: ikr
1:46 AM me: Lol
1:47 AM Huggle
davy: hug 🙂
1:48 AM me: Awkward
 But accepted
1:49 AM davy: ikr
me: ……
davy: dizzy
me: Kkk
 Hugs make most things better
davy: dammit
me: Now what
1:50 AM davy: i hit my head on the wall
me: Poor davy
1:51 AM Y would u do that
davy: stared at spawn light for too long
me: Spawn?
davy: yup
me: Ok….
1:52 AM Going to color me mine tomorrow maybe
davy: o
me: They moved 😦
1:53 AM U don’t care, do you
davy: Y would i
me: It didn’t change
 Good point
 O idk have u been to Yosemite?
1:54 AM davy: yup
me: Touched a deer
davy: o
me: So awesome
davy: i didt even see one
me: Wanted to climb half dome but my parents wouldn’t let me
1:55 AM davy: i did
me: Too dangerous and all that poo
 Was it fun
davy: got halfway there and my mom got tired
me: lol
1:56 AM Looks perfectly safe
 U just climb
davy: ikr
me: 8.2 mi
 Not bad
davy: except u fall off the other side
me: Fail
1:57 AM Have u been to mystery spot?
davy: yup
me: Uve been everywhere
 Emerald lake?
davy: whats that
me: Wannabe lake tahoe
1:58 AM But very pretty
davy: o
1:59 AM U goin to meeting Tom?
davy: ?
me: Sci bowl
2:00 AM davy: no
me: Ok
 Good night
davy: lol
me: Mmhm
2:01 AM Chat with u Tom I guess
davy: aka tues
 or today

jan 15


Yarn Tail Tutorial (Feline) by ~willowfall on deviantART

TUTORIAL Yarn Tail by ~luthien368 on deviantART

there. no hate. 

today is somewhat special to me~ one of the few time honeybunches and i had an all night chat. literally. from like fucking 10 pm to 4 am. it was…. really nice. im going to piece it together for y’all now…. davy: i miss you.

10:12 PM davy: Too busy screwing sopa
10:34 PM me: Lol
10:35 PM Can’t use google plus on iphone
 It broke or glitches
10:37 PM davy: so u got an iphone
10:39 PM me: Using dads
davy: o
me: Mmhmm
davy: …
me: Gtg b back in a few min maybe
10:40 PM davy: o
11:05 PM me: Hug
 U there
11:07 PM Davy
11:08 PM U were there 20 min ago….
 I thoth u slept at 2
davy: …
11:09 PM mom came
 and i got bored
11:10 PM me: Of waiting?
davy: yup
me: Srry
 My dad takes forever to go to sleep
davy: o
11:11 PM so ur sneaking too……
 my mom is on her cpu
me: Lol
 Imma go to bed maybe but then I’ll fall asleep
davy: o
11:12 PM me: And my mom cOme any minute now
davy: o
me: O ur fac
davy: put it under ur pillow
me: Itll fall under bed
 And my dad wakes at five
 Before me
davy: in the pilowcase
me: I wake at 1
11:13 PM Lol
 Too risky
davy: put it back when everyone else is asleep
me: That would be at 4
11:14 PM davy: or put it on the ground somewhere when he comes asking
 so he thinks it dropped
me: My mom sleeps after watching a million hours of Korean drama
 That won’t work
 U know my dad
 KInd of
11:15 PM Reply when u parents leave lola
11:16 PM davy: …
me: Idk
davy: ?
me: I’m cold
11:17 PM Nvr m in bed now
 Scared tho
11:19 PM davy: o
me: I would take a picture but then my dad will know
11:20 PM Idk
11:21 PM Davy
davy: delete t
11:22 PM it
me: Lol sure too dark I tried
11:23 PM davy: do u have a front camera
me: Yup
davy: cuz then the screen acts as a light
me: My contacts are drying my eyes out tho
davy: mine too….
me: Lemme try.
11:24 PM B gtg mom home
11:24 PM davy: b
11:39 PM my tablets been at 185% battery for 3 hours…


sorry for boring the fuck out of you guys. hai snail.