something has been bothering me alot lately. time. i dont seem to be able to drink in everything at a leisurely pace. i feel like the worlds moving too fast–without me. its been like this for a while now. a week or so. or a month. i dont know. i remember very little, and my days are time stamped by horrible events that i do now want to attend. for example, ive been living between 2 points: PAS (april 19) and ABRSM (may 20). i am living for abrsm. and i remember things by saying, oh that was a week after pas. oh that was 2 weeks before pas. and its effective.
but its sad. i have no goal in life anymore. david used to be my goal, but ive been having super mixed feelings lately. actually, i dont think i can feel much anymore. i doubt im falling into depression (allie brosh has a few pieces about them. she is finally back!!!) because i still have a few bright spots everyday. im really confused and thats not the point.
what im trying to say, is that everyday is a blur. nothing is special anymore. i feel lost and valueless. my life is a dump. its been another week, huh? ive been mentally working of this excerpt for a half week then. sigh. bye bye 🙂