gpoc=gelpenofchaos, btw

December 7,2012- February 23, 2013

its been great 



i have to leave. i don’t want to, but i must. 

some moron showed their parents the gel pen of chaos. which is possible one of the most stupidest things you could ever do. it’s right up there on the list right next to fishing for piranhas with your private parts (dumb ways to die). moron, i sincerely wish, right now, that a bear would bite your head off. moron, one does not simply show their parents the blog-no, the virtual flesh and blood- of a semi-depressed, crazy girl who spits out her feelings to worlds of unknown. you are the single most stupid person i know right now, and if i find out who you are, you will have a horrible experience with me and everyone who gives a shit about my blog/well-being. thanks to you, i will retire completely from emotions and live in my head. actually, I’ve already started. if you actually die, i wouldn’t care. i could happily blog again. 

i could always change the url and appearance of my blog. Pater referred to it as creepy. would it still be macabre is the background was one of pink and rainbows, and the url changed to would it still be me? emma? 

the answer is no. this is what i like, what i feel. if i cannot have this in peace, i might as well not have it at all. this hiatus may as well be permanent. it’s not like you and your mater would beg for  my forgiveness. you have destroyed another bit of my life. congrats, it’s not everyday that that happens. 

i live in my mind. my classmates sometimes catch me oblivious to the world, staring at a chair or something. 

and pater just walked in. i quit, okay. nice try. 

good bye. 

this is the song i listened to happily at 2 in the morning while chattering with david. “if i could go back to the past, id whisper in your ear… cause darling i wish you were here”
i havent heard this song in at least a year. i am torn. just, torn.

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
Cause I’ll doze off safe and soundly
But I’ll miss your arms around me
I’d send a postcard to you, dear
Cause I wish you were here

I’ll watch the night turn light blue
But it’s not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn’t so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I’ll find repose in new ways
Though I haven’t slept in two days
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I’ll sit on the front porch all night
Waist deep in thought because when
I think of you I don’t feel so alone

I don’t feel so alone
I don’t feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I’ll think of you tonight
(Tonight, tonight, tonight…)

I’ll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I’ll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I’ll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won’t forget you
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past
I’d whisper in your ear:
“Oh darling I wish you were here”